Ive never gotten over it. Especially when things like this happen. I want to do a DNA test and prove that the child was not his. , Mary Kral June 13, 2016 at 4:10 pm Reply. It creates a mental confusion, as if my conscious mind can acknowledge the fact that she died, but my subconscious mind is not on the same page, so fresh is the memory of her greeting me after work. It is incredibly normal to struggle when takling about such a difficult loss. I know many were shocked at her sudden and untimely death by suicide. My Dad committed suicide on March 5th, 2022. Its also ok to miss, love and at some point forgive him and yourself. Isolation, loneliness, is being taught to our children. My brother 43 just days after his birthday he Hung himself at home after a huge argument with his wife. Give yourself permission to get professional help. MAY. How to keep yourself and your partner safe. Bryan Hugh Strickland December 30, 2018 at 9:38 pm Reply. I need to live my life somehow again so hopefully Ill be able to figure that out. He was struggling with depression, insecurities, and trust issues. I am an old sick woman who deserves death.She was a young beautiful girl who had not lived her life.Sorry I just had to say it all. I hate how mostly everyone is greedy, materialistic, selfish, and capitalistic. Gail Julmi April 13, 2019 at 3:34 am Reply. You are not responsible, no matter how much his family makes you feel as though you are. i remember just not believing it and i remember breaking down in my moms arms and it sucks it sucks so bad im so angry and upset i just miss him i want my older brother back. I had no idea it was coming but wasnt extremely surprised by it. Now I will say time will never heal this wound, I only have learned to navigate it better and to be an advocate. I keep telling myself my wife can remarry and do well financially and my five kids will have each other to lean on. No way was that true. I look happy and contented on the outside but I still grieve my loss, and I still have irrational general anxiety after all this years. She had a tough exterior, and prioritized her friends. I did not know he had been struggling with depression for years. My 16 year old daughter lost a friend to suicide a couple of weeks ago. Did I somehow contribute to his state of mind? and in Psalm 37: 5-6 Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. That I failed him as a father. my heart was jackrabbiting as I tried to be calm and cuddle him a bit. He was only 14 years old. Isabelle Siegel February 17, 2021 at 12:25 pm Reply. A month later he ended his life. I have a beautiful wife now and am 26 years old but will never be able get this out of my head or the depression. Nothing seems to take the pain away, I can just ignore it for a while.I seem like Im doing well butbhow can we??? That is beyond comprehension to me. My parents caused me n my sisters a lot of pain and misguidance. Hello Julie, so very sorry for your loss and very much understand the strong desire to stand by your spouse. I would ask my doctor if he or another doctor he knows, could tell me the answer to that. My ex took her life on Aug 8th 2020, I dont believe I have actually grieved I tried and was the best mom I could be to our 4 children ranging from 27-19 they found her. Rachel Flaherty June 3, 2016 at 10:26 am Reply. My name is Chris Coleman. I know it sounds bad, but I am 41 years old, and have the rest of my life to continue living. His sister suffers from Bipolar too and misses him terribly I also lost my first baby girl only after 10 days so I find life very hard, and cannot enjoy myself or seem to be able to come to terms with this awful empty, sad and bereft feeling. I learned from all this, to never take any moment or person for granted. I was the one that got the calls when ever my mom would attempt to kill herself. In the few weeks Ive lived here she introduced me to her dog once and said hello a few times. We never saw the body but I cant stop imagining what it looked like, if he felt pain or died instantly, how long his body was there for, or what his last moments were like. He had 7 weeks without anything at all If my mam hadn't just retired I honestly believe he would have killed himself. For the people she hurt, for the hurt shes dealt me with her actions, for the son she left behind who one day Ill have to explain what happened to mommy. Noit is not helpful for people to tell you others have worse things happen to them. He was talking about how he was having thoughts that morning and I was going to go over to my parents house to help him, but he told me not to come. I havent improved in six years since my sons death and dont forsee improvement to my quality or quantity of life. Please dont give up on GriefShare. No one to teach them how to tie a tie, how to shave. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, or even if you just need someone to talk with, please call the National Suicide Helpline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit their website where you can do a live online chat https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, Dawn September 2, 2022 at 7:14 pm Reply, Chris, when I read what you wrote it was as if Im reading something written by my son. You have great power. He didnt leave you alone-he is in your heart and mind. God help me I said yes.Our sick pattern was she would threaten then walk off and I would chase her or call or message and beg her not to hurt herself then we would make up.I had just bought her a new lime green couch and a pretty chair with birds all over and she had been out back in her little playhouse,a small house that we had for her to have privacy and a place to feel at least some independence.She was up there cleaning and vacuuming getting it all ready for her new furniture..She had told me how excited she was to sit on her new couch and use her new headphones.Then while vacuuming the breaker burned out and now she had no power. Thank you for sharing your story. He had taken most of his antidepressants at once. But I have. Kay, please know that one someone dies by suicide there is typically a serious mental health issue and there is nothing external to them that causes a decision like suicide. You have experienced immense losses, and I am not at all surprised that you have not gotten over them. My husband decided to take his life. My brother took his life October 24,2016, he was just 30 years old. I have pictures from our honeymoon, smiling with her mischievous grin and wearing a t-shirt that professed One of a kind. The shirt was right, and shes left a giant gaping hole in my heart that will never be fully patched. Thanks for sharing. I couldn't understand why God allowed this to happen to my family, when I was faithfully serving in His name, in a country far away from home; when I had willingly left everything behind: career, lifelong friendship, and all the other comforts I had at home. I chose sobriety, and returned to work a year later, realizing that I had survived this experience. With permission from Iris Bolton. My children had not seen their aunt for 3 years. Changed my life forever. Desi DePriest October 22, 2017 at 1:01 pm Reply, Peggy, TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors) is an amazing resource for military families. Getting support to reduce that fear can create space to connect with people who are important to you, reconnecting with things that interest you, and starting to feel like you can manage those emotions in a way that lets you talk about and connect with your dads memory. Do we ever get over this sort of thing. I took him for granted and I think its been a guilt Ive held for myself for quite some time. My neighbors family all left right away to stop being at the place where it happened. My father jumped to his death in front of horrified onlookers nearly 20 years ago. Im not angry with my brother at all and Im not sure I will ever be. It helps that others are experiencing the same emotions. i will never know if there was a tumor that caused this or maybe his choice to end his life was a side-effect from the depression meds he was given. She told people about her bad home life, and her depression. If you are someone grappling with this concern, know that it is normal. All the best to you. Sylvia Corbit May 17, 2016 at 3:35 pm Reply. i love him so much. Ive stayed strong for my family but the feeling inside seems to only get worse. I didnt like it at all. Its so painful to see pictures of my brother with a beautiful smile and to remember what is left now. At first when I saw the sealed car I worried that my new neighborhood isnt safe. I am grateful to be reaching this milestone so we can get past the funeral planning and arrangements and start moving on and healing. I've put this list together, from one parent to another, in the hope that it will be of some help to other parents who are just starting this journey. I know my sister would not intentionally shoot herself. How do I forgive him..? I know now she really wasnt after all. I reminded her that I am always here for her despite the fact we dont see each other regularly (she was in school in DC and me in RI). Very funny indeed. I lost my brother 8-12-2020. I think I have grief guilt. My son took one of my fathers guns which had always been in the house. I begged him and told him I would be right over. 1. They found her sitting in her car at a rest area. The silent treatments. Our house is just eerily quite now, everything is different now. Im so sorry, Dee. Wed had many arguments about what was acceptable and unacceptable. If youve read this thank you, please pray for my family, as this has left us shaken to our cores. he jumped in front of a train. They make the decision to visit me at winter time because of their work, and see me and my family how we doing how was our lifes our married life with 2 kids being grow our kids almost alone with no help in this big city, Toronto..!!! Then go to reddit and see how people re saying they committed suicide. It has been about 1.5 years since my brothers suicidehis last and final mistake, one of many. I am still grieving the loss of his life as well as mine the way I knew it. Many people dont even read comment sections by choice because they feel its too much. Dear Linda, I am so sorry for your loss. But I was not able to see the pain she was going through, she was depressed and wanted to get back to her jerk ex bf. I helped him move into an apartment, continued taking him to his appts, started attending AA again, and we mutually divorced. Looking back I think I was being so cold and mean that she had no other way to fight back.She had never really hurt me bad but I guess because of my past abuse in childhood and as a young woman I was not able to deal with this. The willingness to laugh with others and at yourself is healing. This is my prayer for us all. Abandonment, emotional and physical abuse, neglect, bullying, hunger, shame, humiliation. But, this is just so horrific, and the pain is so wrenching that its different, it just is. Linda Rice January 13, 2019 at 9:23 am Reply. He only has to get thru one more year of high school. He had 7 weeks without anything at all If my mam hadn't just retired I honestly believe he would have killed himself. He did very well, of course he met people I never knew. It was devastating to watch him descend into a deep depression, and I tried to no avail to help him. His body was found and it was discovered hed overdosed. Know that someone else out there knows how you feel. At some point it stops being about them. The loss is so great it hurts so bad. Time DOES not heal all wounds, it is the action you take (grief counselor/grief support group etc) Just as flat tire will remain flat unless you take action to mend it You can sit by that tire all day and it will not mend itselfsame with a broken heart, take action to heal and you will feel better. He was so passionate. althought i can totally picture in my mind how he was found. my girlfriend commited suicide with her dads pistol today. hello its a beautiful crisp fall day here in Virginia and I do believe I am going to take my life in the next 24 hours by walking very far into some woods and hanging myself with a belt, hoping that i will not be discovered. I hope they are safe with God where there is no more suffering. Please stay strong and reach out for help, it might be easier because you live in the city. I was in such disbelief, I could barely walk or eat. Mental illness is the most insidious because it robs one of their own sense of self. Her next attempt was slitting her wrists in the bathtub her mother and father found her,she back to the same institution for a few weeks more therapy and a change in medication. We ended up just yelling back and forth at each other for a few minutes, which at this point i realised my brother was not in a good mindset and I was crying too at this point because i was really getting scared. Nichole October 6, 2018 at 9:57 am Reply. Required fields are marked *. I had a tremendous amount of faith in his abilities, in his determination. Strangers in the night. The reality is if you have not experienced it you just cannot understand.and that is truly a good thing. If emotions return like a tidal wave, you may be experiencing a remnant of grief, which is a normal part of grieving. That I did not try hard enough. Allow yourself to feel the full scope of your feelings. That image will never go away. even the relationship with his ex was the best it ever was, he said what else could i ask for. I was 250 miles away, in Washington, sitting on one of those silent subways the city is known for. She has been gone almost 6 months I cry everyday, I blame myself, I ask why, I relive that night everyday, all my mom and I had were each other, I just cant wrap my head around this, I am so lonely, l am so lost. Having overcome so many hardships in my life, I didnt think I could have taken more pain, until my heart seemed to have been ripped out from my chest. The long therapy sessions, trying to continue living. My husband worries a lot but has to work, so its me at home with my kids and this grief inside me trying to take over. I am functioning pretty well now, but of course the pain is still there. He was the most important person in my life, Ive never been more myself with anyone, and so everything we shared is put into question now. As I had commented earlier, I lost my father to suicide on March 5th. But your daughter is not in that category. The news broke her even more. People pull through these things, you read miracles all the time. My son ended his life two days after Christmas this last year. Please know it gets better. Chuck took great pride in his legal abilities and knowledge, and his intellect in general. They say others have worse things happen to them, is that helpful ? Cristina April 7, 2019 at 3:54 pm Reply. Having suicidal thoughts is common. The important thing is that they get the insurance money and she remarries well because I have no idea how we are going to survive my sudden job loss. I feel the hopelessness my brother must have felt, its no kind of life to be eternally sad, no joy, no color. But I think I have to look at it like hes someone who broke slowly, and then all at once. I feel your pain and your description of your son sounds a lot like my daughter. This man was the definition of pure. And then theres the loneliness. I was struggling with every sort of disorder and constantly overwhelmed and exhausted, and when I began recovering from my severe depression, Jacob was the catalyst of my happiness. It iscommon for a person to feel relieved after a loved one dies, when the loved one had been living in pain and suffering. We only married on 10th January 2020. The only thing that really helps is time. He had been living with me after getting in a fight with his girlfriend. Those who are fearful of their responses may engage in maladaptive and persistent avoidance of triggers or reminders, which, in some cases, can contribute to the development of a psychological disorder and prevent the mourner from finding meaningful ways to continue their bond with their loved one. We are making it through, day by day. Know you may feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your feelingsand that all your feelings are normal. I dont know what else to do. I started threatening to turn him in for something he had done a few years ago in order to get him to try to work this out. He struggled a bit socially and maybe never really felt quite accepted or loved. My ex wife and I had agreed that he should be an organ donor and we both signed the paperwork. That tiny part of you thats still alive. When I learned of her suicide I went into shock, as if wed been together this whole time, which I dont understand. I spend quality time with my children, knowing that one day they will be remembering me. I want to feel pain and regret and sarrow and all that bc its real. I do not support amazon. And I know what your thinking this wasnt your fault but it was. Do not accept blame from yourself or others. Becca September 20, 2019 at 1:48 am Reply, Hey Claudia, I wanted to respond to your post because my little brother died by suicide on 8/25/19. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to contact me via email. I panicked and started to plead and beg the woman I loved more than life, more than living ,well more than anything to please stop and not do this. Although he recently just passed I have also lost both of my parents and two of my friends. Day before yesterday my friend and neighbor had a fight with her family. My brother hung himself on Jan 7, 2109, my heart if so filled with grief it is comsuming. I found myself thinking OK, I was abused as a baby,a child , a wife now Im elderly and my own daughter!So I had a hard time moving past it and instead of trying to understand why she might be doing this I became angry. I dont think i will ever get over the shock and i longed to see her beautiful face and wonderful happy personality. I remember the day specifically because it was also the day that I told him that I had filed for divorce and he needed to pick up the paperwork from my attorneys office. Irene November 29, 2019 at 12:15 am Reply. Technology is good of course, but I think some young people and adults overuse it as a way to feel connected when in fact they are notwe NEED real connections with real people. I could cry so many times, be in bed most of the days, feel guilty, rejected, alone, empty, hopeless, lifeless , worthless , and be miserable but I know it will never bring him back physically alive. I sleep with his sweater every night and I talk to him even though he is not here. I wish I could see him. Finally after eternity passed, the car door opened and a paramedic reached in. I want to be able to talk to him and ask him questions and hug him more than anything in the world. She was so excited to spend time with him! Another year's remembrance over, but the memories . Not for opinions, not for relationship advice, and not for preaching. There are no words. All the things you are feeling are normal after a tragic loss such as this but know this its not your fault and its nobodys fault. I understand how complicated your grief is, and that it makes sense to ask how to go on, or why. In that short time, he had seen his doctor twice, gone to two therapy sessions and a support group, and he and I had talked for hours. We also had a petty fight that day. Then I had to tell my mother. His brother, novelist John Niven, believes he might have saved him.