dealing with financially irresponsible family members

I face a similar situation where my in-laws have been financially irresponsible. I bet you are an amazing husband or would be if you are not now. Im not saying to not help when a parent through no real fault of their own is in a bad situation but even still not to the detriment of your financial situation. A woman at age 26 without a job depending on family sounds a lot like my aunt, who ended up as a shut-in at my grandmas house. just to make sure my life and marriage are safe from the volatility and hardship of a non-funded parental retirement but I know how luck I have been to have had time and work to accomplish that. They handed out money to family friends at an alarming rate, and even made great new friends who would contact them seeking financial help. They eat out three times a day. You will probably give what you have made in your lifetime to your kids when you die and it will be less because now you have to pay for your parents who through being irresponsible and selfish put you in that position. No one wants to have to go through this believe me. After a year or so she got sick of working and quit her part time job. Still, it places a real financial burden on the children as they have to deal with the financial demands of their parents while still keeping their own financial ship afloat. If she is being financially irresponsible, F*#$% her. Very helpful and it makes me feel better to know Im not alone. My mother and stepfather of many years are approaching 60. Errrr.thats impossible. My brother leased them a car when their car finally conked out. First of all, dont loan money to family members. I try to be very patient with her and it is becoming increasingly difficult as my own life circumstances are so challenging. (No legit college education, or high school diploma.). To justify our selfish logic, we use the fact that a rare amount of people are lazy, when we are still accountable for helping those who are actually having problems. You have nothing to lose if you just give love. Lets not forget that the worst case scenario even if you are not completely backwards in your logic, your children could even die before you do. Invested and held in stocks it might generate $1,200 a month. Im glad your parents are financially stable, but stop and think of the others that did not grow up in the same financial situation as you did. My mom is altogether another animalbut Im not sure that shes going to get the retirement she thinks she deserves. I resent my parents selfishly imposing their retirement on me, setting my own retirement back 15+ years. She has found work and is a good employee with great experience, but she is already over spending like mad on unnecessary things, because thats just what shes used to, like back when she had some money. She just kept living the way she wanted and leaching wherever she could. How would others feel about taking on the burden of the spouses parents? Financial abuse might be someone asking for money, gifts, your credit card, or wanting control of your accounts or property. Why should I put myself and my kids in that situation. I am very confused, conflicted, and torn. I will say that not all Boomers are apart of the mess, but a significant portion are. Be careful about saying, This is the last time. Several times can turn out the be the "last time," so be firm and say no. My brother had had his education paid for by my father right through to his PhD and then lived for free with them until he got his first job aged 30. Economic hardship and financial distress can have devastating effects on families. Just today a loan was requested, and Im terrified of opening that door. I dont own a car. Provide an ear for them to talk to and a shoulder for them to cry on. Plus, the people Ive seen, dont ask others for food, but because we care for other people, respect their choice, we help them with food, water, and warm clothes. My dad is capable of dating women, he is in perfect good shape but he is just so lazy he crawls under my skin. It propelled me to move far away from a metro market into the country. They tell me Im the strong and smart one with direction, and that pisses me off even more because I work hard and make sacrifices I have to pay for their crap. She still hasnt gotten rid of it and we come back to less than 250.00 saved. Please also consider a parents capability to be selfish, conniving, and evil. Just like they tell you before a flight, put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping the person next to you. May your horrible parents burn eternally. Ive now figured out why they didnt consider that. They are welcome to live with me in a location of my choosing where I will provide the basics. U talking about hurt, let me tell u, 3 ppl Ive fought so hard 4, is now the 3 ppl I have 2 fight with the most! Balancing the interests of the responsible children with those of the irresponsible children may bring hard feelings. My mother became literally addicted to online shopping, something she had never done before the money showed up. What as great about what you experienced? The solution is to find a compromise that works well for both of you. we can help but the last thing i want is my mother in law living with us when she gets older. Despite having a little bit of sympathy for the immediate situation, I cant help thinking that the small loan would be nothing but a band aid to the gaping wound that is their overwhelming financial situation. And my husband and I have vowed to never, ever do this to our own children! They are ok on social security and the part time job my mom has. I did not say DONT help you parents I said try to balance things in life a little. Sometimes, relationships can become demanding and controlling and negative and those are things you never need in your life, even if it is your parents. He and the new wife bought TWO condos, ripped out walls, put in a new front door (in a condo building!) I also suspect that theyve tried to apply for credit in my name. That is the most ridiculous comment a person with sound judgement could make. The point about the car is that weve been telling her for the past three years to put money away because every time you turn around that car is breaking down. This is something Ive thought about quite often recently. I support the same action regarding parents who dont respect their childrens authority in their childrens homes. My grandmother bought him a mobile home (paid for) and all he had to do was pay utilities and the almost $300.00/per mo. They are the ones who created the mess and are leaving and dont mind doing so to their children, grandchildren, and possibly their great grandchildren to foot the bill. My dad makes 2x my income and depends on me bc he is wasting his money. I guess there should be a balance, give money or help without costing yourself and your family. Simple? Ther you go a good greatful child. If FIL needs food, tough tuna. Once the recession hit they stopped helping me financially and were in trouble of losing their home and filing for bankruptcy. With that being said, they can still pass down their debts to you after they are gone! Are you sure we arent related? My dad told me last week they are upside down on their mortgage and have only $12,000 left in their retirement savings. Help them seek a job if they want that help. I also strongly discourage loans, which is something thats going to pop up a few more times in this article. For sure, family is best when it supports and assists, but not when it enables. He still doesnt work five months later! If your favorite irresponsible person is going to cause problems despite your best efforts, simply remove them from the equation. My Father in law is quite wealthy but buys the craziest things, hes 90 years old and recently bought two motorcycles (couldnt drive them of course) Now a grand piano (doesnt play it or anyone else in the family) Refuses any help with his finances, ignores it all even though I am an accountant by trade and have offered to help him with it. Its only going to get better from here! If you dont feel you can afford a gift, dont give the money. But that was an extreme situation. For example, instead of saying, You bought another new car? Annoyed with a fiscally irresponsible parent, Dang needs to wake up, every situation is different. Fortunatly for them this happening is nearly impossible/Unlikley. But now both want me to support them financially after watching them make bad decisions throughout my whole life. Unfortunately, your financial support isnt helping them get on track its enabling their irresponsible spending (and possibly supporting some destructive habits)! Thanks to several weeks of seeing occupational health nurses, doctors, behavioral counsellors and shrinks, I now have the means to turn my life around. Its not just a matter of being better than them, its a question of should you waste precious resources on those who arent worthy at the cost of hurting yourself or your own kids (financially speaking). The fact is that they always seem to muddle through, but I dont ever want to be the one supporting financially irresponsible people. I told them that they will not be moving in with me because I cannot afford to support them, and they are furious. Protect yourself I think I heard you can declare financial independence or something like that even if you are an adult from your parents to protect yourself from inheriting debt. I do feel it is my duty to care for them, but it not my duty to give them any lifestyle they desire. When I was in high school I worked with many elderly people as a bag boy there is nothing wrong with that (Its the 30 year old working there that worries me). Shes not a horrible person but certainly, how could she not know this was going to happen?? Most would disagree with the mooching strategy, but it is a real one. I think yes, other than I have no choice. The lack of personal responsibility. My father does not return my emails, letters or phone calls and has not done so for many years. I may love my mother but I have no wish to live with her ever again, and with what I have found out lately, I am actually embarrassed to call her my mother. My issue? Taking that a step further, what if they were 100% capable of earning an income to delay withdrawing from a tiny nest egg, but instead choose to not work at all and live now off of their paltry savings, knowing full well that in a few years they would be 100% dependent on their children or other family members? It can be awkward to mix family and money issues, whether its loaning money to a struggling relative or dealing with competitive or irresponsible spending. My FIL is completely irresponsible. Let them. You dont want to drain your retirement funds to help cover your grown childs expenses. I dont think you should owe parents just because the gave birth to you. She proceeded to sell all her jewelery, silver, etc., NOT to pay her bills or buy food, but to buy MORE new furniture, new landscaping and new hardwood flooring in her home. Put yourself in their shoes and think what it would be like to be in their position. My partner calls what they are going through a terrible bouts of misfortune but really, thats not it at all. Why should I? I moved out when I was 17 and had been supporting myself ever since. My thoughts on paying your mothers bills when she can work? As you rightly pointed out, she has to want to change. A sense of purpose and community are. Few people escape the dreaded task of having to deal with difficult family members. I was too busy with school & had utmost faith she was looking out for her prized son, that i didnt notice the house was overpriced at $600k, now $400k today. Also being a parent is not an accomplishment. This is a very sensitive but very good topicI just happen to come across it and thought Id put in my two cents. You get back what you put into your childern * what kind of parent would be selfish enough to just Only think of themselves & pull down their kids? Ive had my spouse spend more than I expected (and, honestly, Ive done the same to my spouse in the past, Im sure). If one partner or the other willfully and repeatedly violates an agreement that the two of you have, then there is a deep trust issue in the relationship, one that is likely a sign of some deeper relationship issues. she works from home but only 10 hrs a week and has meds that cost more than what she makes. The words that you chose to use in your reply were so carefully selected to cut that person down, that I cannot help but assume that you are actually the one that is spoiled, entitled, and selfish. Communication is absolutely vital here. So I TOTALLY get it and there is no right answer, you have to be able to make tough decisions in your families best interest and thats all you can do, it sucks but its a part of life. I am older than he is and the way they take advantage of him and disrespect him and our individual life is discusting! I am trying to pay off my debts and begin saving for my retirement. If i give her money, she gives it away to others ad a gift from her. If that is going on n the mom n law HAS money n u begin 2 feel used by her, I can understand that. My father gambled his entire life. (sorry that sounds kind of bitter :) ). The governments approach to job creation which is simply shuffling around part time employees and construction workers to fudge numbers while cutting university funding and increasing immigration of skilled workers. Q: I enjoyed Ilyces radio show for many years when she was on the air in Atlanta. If I could help them I would, but how? My mother and I are not on speaking terms, so I dont see why I would. Shes 83 now and just sold her house to live in Assisted Living. My brother and I were both at boarding schools so living away from home during the term time anyway. These rules are ridiculous.. My grandmother paid for everything for our family and I sure didnt get college or anything extra paid for. One quick solution is to stop having so many damn kids! My fiancee has had a labor law advising business for sometime now and I joined her to career change as well as get to know the trade to better our income. All of what is happening is because they were negligent and not because his fathers business had failed. If someone is not willing to take the necessary steps to help themself, there are only so many ways I can help. I feel guilty for feeling angry because I know they dont want to be in this position. Ive actually thought about writing some kind of book, however I am an engineer. I also developed a medical condition that cost me my lifes savings and many years of wage earning due to protracted medical treatment . They made the ill-advised and regrettable decision to have children even though they were not mentally or fiscally equipped to deal with these challenges. Love them? He refuses to work even though hes perfectly capable of working. Her mother and father worked their fingers to the bone to have something to leave their children!. You are an asshole for expecting your children to bank roll you so you could go on vacation or buy shit you dont need. Maybe framing it that way will help them understand how their selfishness is hurting their grandkids and they will elect to not retire early and work extra hard to get rid of their debts and put away something for retirement. as they have demonstrated they are all about themselves since I was old enough to be a front row witness to their bitter divorce and subsequent selfishness. Explain why you have to save $100 for your kids education and be loving , there are many ways to help than finance such as: act of service, spend time with them and just be there :). My mother loves the attention and goes on and on about her fabulous children who are so generous. Im assuming theyre not just asking for a small amount to get by (like $50) and are looking at you like the 401k they never bothered putting money into while they were working but totally expect you to pay out. Joey Johnston has more than 30 years of experience as a journalist with the Tampa Tribune and St. Petersburg Times. ---CurrentAbout To Fall Behind30+ Days60+ Days90+ Days, Credit Card Debt: (required) Its only through those strategies that youll be able to maintain healthy relationships with some less financially responsible people in your life without going down a financially irresponsible road yourself. If you think you could live your lives as financial disasters for decades and be failures as parents or even (as some in this thread have mentioned) abandon your children and have the audacity to expect them to financially support you in your old age you are in for a VERY rude awakening when things come full circle for you. So sad. But theyre drowning in debt, and theyve borrowed money from family members on more than one occasion. part is she only recently (two years ago) even qualified for early social security benefits. Otherwise your anger is especially misplaced.). Almost all of those friends are pretty frugal people and our social activities are usually really inexpensive. They had extravagant life style in the past when they had money but they did not plan for their future well. Just like parents kicking their kids out of the house to encourage them to financially support themselves, wouldnt there be some terms and conditions you would want to dictate before giving them support? I dont like your assumption.All the while raising your generation parents have sacrificed a lot to give you guys more than we had.Your toys were more expensive,we paid thru the nose for electronics that only keep getting better year after year and everyone had to have the latest.The pension plans and unions, etc.died along the way with our parents generation keep that straight.There is no longer security in work,everyone is dispensable.Most parents dont want to live with their adult children because of the selfish, opinionated, callous people they have become.I say most,I am not generalizing here.

Topeka City Council District Map, Taka Terrace House Reika, George Mccaskey Contact Information, Birmingham Vulcans Roster, Who Does Yusuke Yotsuya End Up With, Articles D